Control your triggers and take your power back!
When you begin your entrepreneurial journey you tell yourself what “success” looks like, but what happens when you get there and you don’t feel the satisfaction you assumed you would experience? That is what my guest Stacy Bahrenfuss realized when she began her venture in real estate. If you meet your goals but feel unfulfilled, it’s never too late to pivot and embrace a new direction
Women in business are generally quite skilled at problem solving, but there is a catch. Those who have this mindset are also addicted to 3 toxic mindsets: (1) something being wrong, (2) unfulfillment, and (3) guilt for the things we weren’t able to accomplish. Stacy shares how she has successfully coached women to break free from this internal pit of despair we create for ourselves and embrace the joy we should be experiencing instead.
Warning: This episode may “trigger” conversations you’ve avoided having with yourself and help you to finally become reacquainted with the amazing person you’ve forgotten that you are.
Press play and let the journey to self discovery begin!
What’s in This Episode
- What to do when you’re feeling unfulfilled in spite of success
- How you are misinterpreting your personal “triggers”
- Allow others to step up for you so that you can step back
- Balancing a personal and work relationship with your team members
- What revenue is being lost in your resistance?
- Why a “default mindset” is limiting your options as a business owner
What To Do Next
- Join The Strategy Lab, Lisa’s insider entrepreneurial community that is learning, tackling, and coming together to support and challenge each other on all things business. Click here to get on the waitlist.
- Join Thought Readers and connect with other like-minded entrepreneurs in this popular book club for business owners.
- Subscribe to receive this podcast and regular weekly strategies to grow and shape your business. You’ll also be the first to know about upcoming courses, programs and exclusive LIVE training.
- Join the conversation on Instagram, Facebook or LinkedIn and share your insights from the show.
Where to Find Stacy Bahrenfuss
Next week for episode 60, LaJuanna Russell joins and shares how her entrepreneurial journey as a “gig” for $500 that led to her recently closing a $30 million dollar deal! Is your mind blown yet? Brace yourself, because her story and lessons are going to knock your socks off!
Books Mentioned in This Episode
- Stolen Focus: Why You Can’t Pay Attention – And How To Think Deeply Again by Johann Hari
- Multipliers by Liz Wiseman
CLICK HERE TO OPEN THE FULL TRANSCRIPT
Lisa Larter: Welcome to She Talks Business. If you’re an entrepreneur business owner or aspiring mogul chances are you want to learn more about marketing and mastering and monetizing your business
Lisa Larter: She Talks Business is where you learn all that and more. My name is Lisa Larter and I’m an entrepreneur, high school dropout, wiener dog enthusiast, and your host let’s get started.
Lisa Larter: Hello, hello, hello and welcome to She Talks Business. Today’s episode with Stacy Bahrenfuss is going to be awesome, and if you listen to the very end you’ll hear a blooper
Lisa Larter: in terms of my inability to even pronounce her last name at the beginning of the show. It’s pretty funny.
Lisa Larter: Anyways this is going to be a great show, and there is a couple of things that Stacy said that I think are super important.
Lisa Larter: She talks about the fact that sometimes in spite of our success, we can still feel empty and unfulfilled. If you have ever felt like that in your business, you are going to want to listen to this
Lisa Larter: episode. You’re going to want to listen, because she’s going to talk about how to give your emotions more attention; so that you can navigate with greater grace and ease and not only do it for yourself
Lisa Larter: but learn to do it for the teams that you support, because when you can transcend doing this type of work for you
Lisa Larter: and extend it to the people you support you really are making an impact and contribution that far reaches the impact that your business has. So let’s get going into the show, thanks for listening.
Lisa Larter: I am so excited to be here with Stacy Bahrenfuss today, and guess what? The day we are recording this is the one-year anniversary of us publishing our very first She Talks Business episode.
Lisa Larter: While you’re not listening to this on that day we’re recording this on that day, so it seems very
Lisa Larter: cool. I can’t even think of the word, synchronicity is at play. Let me tell you about Stacy after building a seven-figure business at the age of 19, (she’s not an overachiever much)
Lisa Larter: where she helps her clients find their external home in real estate. Stacy Bahrenfuss now guides women leaders to their internal home.
Lisa Larter: Known as the Truth Teacher® and a visionary intuitive. Stacy is the founder of The Truth Teachers® and works privately, consulting seven and eight-figure women leaders and their teams
Lisa Larter: leading them to activate all of their power and accelerate their success personally and professionally. Stacy and her truth teachers are on a mission to revolutionize the entire self-help industry, which I love,
Lisa Larter: by eliminating gurus (which I hate) and empowering people with the tools and frameworks, they need to transform their own lives. Stacy is a 2020 winner of the gold Stevie Award in consumer service
Lisa Larter: with 10 or less employees. Stacy so good to have you here.
Lisa, I’m so happy to be here and I agree, it’s very serendipitous that we’re having this call, this recording on
Stacy Bahrenfuss: your anniversary of your one year.
Yes, yes, absolutely and my little munchkin is chewing a bone, hang on one sec.
Lisa Larter: So for those of you listening, you cannot see but I must show Stacy because she can; the newest addition to my family.
Lisa Larter: And maybe my team will take a little video clip and put it on Instagram So you can see the little
Lisa Larter: Faithy monster. We call her two faced Faith because one side of her face looks like this, and one side looks like this. She looks like two different dogs, and her personality is like that too. Some days she’s an angel and other days she is a devil.
Too cute, oh my gosh.
Lisa Larter: She’s very good, and this is her favorite bone to chew, which is an antler and it makes a lot of noise on the floor.
Lisa Larter: Anyways let’s get back to the conversation keeping it real. We’re both recording from our homes today.
Lisa Larter: Why don’t we start with you telling us a little bit about your inner overachiever, and the journey to building your first seven-figure business.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: Yes, and a journey it was for sure. My journey really started early on, with understanding that the default mindset that I was conditioned to have by
Stacy Bahrenfuss: my environment and upbringing was going to limit me, and so when I started my first career in real estate
Stacy Bahrenfuss: I was very conscious about what did I need to do to craft the mindset, craft the way of being so that I could build what I wanted to build.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: And so I remember when I first started my real estate company I would watch The Secret every single day, and it was a good six months stretch to really prime and get my mindset to that space.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: one thing that I did in that journey was really intentional and conscious of, okay, what do I want to build, how do I want this to look?
Stacy Bahrenfuss: I started that journey in real estate with developers and your standard residential buyers and sellers. It was about five years in when
Stacy Bahrenfuss: we were hitting all the goals, and I started to recognize that while I was achieving externally and meeting all the metrics, internally there was a lack of fulfillment which
Stacy Bahrenfuss: really piqued my curiosity. What I enjoyed about that first business was obviously building teams, working with the different clients.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: I was able to bring in what really is the foundation of The Truth Teachers® today, into those daily interactions to build that business.
Lisa Larter: It is interesting that you talk about, you were having all those external successes but you weren’t having internal success, and the word that you used was curious about it.
00:06:18.270 –> 00:06:32.520
Lisa Larter: So talk to me about that because most people don’t get curious about it. Most people either don’t notice or they think they need to reach a bigger goal. They continue to chase externally
Lisa Larter: so talk to me about that.
Yes, yeah so it was kind of like I was noticing that no matter where I was, the whole quote “right wherever you are there you are,” that this was consistently present for me. Getting curious
Stacy Bahrenfuss: with why I took that route was because I had tried all of the things. I had multiple coaches, real estate business coaches and
Stacy Bahrenfuss: after I would work with them, internally something wasn’t shifting. I started to take a hard look at what’s going on inside me so that I could up level because, being a victim to my circumstances was,
Stacy Bahrenfuss: I was very conscious that that wasn’t an option for me. I had grown up in an environment where
Stacy Bahrenfuss: the attitude was just kind of like, it is what it is, this is the hand life has dealt us. I wanted to really
Stacy Bahrenfuss: take ownership of the responsibility that we all have. The truth is we have an opportunity each day to have another swing, to get up and have another opportunity at bat.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: That was my mantra day in and day out, and so being willing to be curious. I was inspired to do that because
Stacy Bahrenfuss: my external world was consistent, and whether it was professional or personal
Stacy Bahrenfuss: the same things or challenges were happening. I really had no other way or place to turn, but to go inside and start looking at what’s going on within me that’s creating this void or that’s
Stacy Bahrenfuss: operating sort of at this limited state.
What led you?
Lisa Larter: to found The Truth Teachers®, and what is The Truth Teachers®, and what is it all about? Tell us a little bit about that,
Lisa Larter: tell us about your journey because I’m actually not sure if you’re still in real estate; or if you’re only doing Truth Teachers®. Give us an update on
Lisa Larter: where you’re at today.
Yes, yeah so I stopped selling real estate in my real estate team March of 2021 and went full steam ahead with The Truth Teachers®. My journey with The Truth Teachers® really came out of
Stacy Bahrenfuss: a turning point in my real estate career, and that turning point was we had reached the highest goal, we were getting all of this media attention locally
Stacy Bahrenfuss: because of what we were doing with different developers. I remember being in the office prior to a team meeting and I just started to cry
Stacy Bahrenfuss: and I was like, how can it be that I have reached the pinnacle of my success and I feel so empty? That actually led me to, a mentor of mine at the time encouraged me to go to India, and so I went to India in 2016
Stacy Bahrenfuss: and that really spiralled or accelerated rather the spiritual journey; and really bridging that into the material to bring it to women leaders.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: While I was in India some inspiration came through, I call them downloads, came through of what I needed to do and what the calling was.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: It just took me several years because I’m quite stubborn, to really take action on it and how it all looked to exit real estate and go full speed ahead with Truth Teachers®.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: Truth Teachers® is really on this mission to empower people to make true change. It starts with seeing the root of what’s going on because most self-help tools,
Stacy Bahrenfuss: different gurus if you will, it’s a very surface level. By using a lot of metaphors and bridging the worlds, spiritual and the material
Stacy Bahrenfuss: world of success and achievement and all of that we’re able to really ground this information so that women leaders can bite into it,
Stacy Bahrenfuss: take action on it, and see true change from a root level or a core level so that they can step into all that they’re supposed to be.
Lisa Larter: Interesting. So you know I’m working on an upcoming episode of She Talks Business called Million Dollar Mistakes.
Lisa Larter: It’s funny listening to you, it makes me realize that one of the mistakes
Lisa Larter: that we make is buying into the fact that, once we make a certain amount of money, we will feel fulfilled and really there’s no correlation between fulfillment and money.
Lisa Larter: Yes, money provides you with safety, money can make choices easier for you, but depending on how you manage money
Lisa Larter: you can also end up feeling like you’re on a treadmill that you can’t stop. Because if you don’t keep going, keep going, keep going
Lisa Larter: you’re going to lose what you perceive to be most important in your business and in your life, which is that pursuit of more money. I know that you work a lot with
Lisa Larter: seven and eight figure leaders and their teams. What are some the triggers, the ahas, the epiphanies that those women have because I gotta tell you I have a pretty damn good life.
Lisa Larter: And there are moments, there are days, thank goodness they’re not weeks and months, but there are moments in time where I question “oh my God what am I doing?”
Lisa Larter: Because you’ll have one of those days, where you’re just like I am working so hard and I feel really disconnected from
Lisa Larter: what’s going on in my business right now. I’m really curious from your perspective as to what some of those things are like and how you help women.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: Yes, yeah, yeah and it’s so common what you just said. It’s really fascinating how common it is. I think that’s been one of the biggest surprises about starting this work and working with these
Stacy Bahrenfuss: top performers. I mean seven and eight-figure women are 1- 2% of the business population and so it’s fascinating to me how common this is.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: The biggest thing that I see is how doubt and emotions at a core level, and the distortions of these emotions, meaning
Stacy Bahrenfuss: the meanings that we give to them. Truly though the inattention to the emotions because it’s running on default, right the lack of awareness that there is another way to operate
Stacy Bahrenfuss: is probably more profound discovery that these women have.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: But beyond that doubt is really, there’s an element plaguing all of us that is, we are addicted to something being wrong. We’re addicted to not being fulfilled,
Stacy Bahrenfuss: and we’re addicted to having success, having a great day. Then as we take that final deep breath, at the end of the day
Stacy Bahrenfuss: focusing on all that we didn’t achieve that day, focusing on what didn’t work. I take women through truly an excavation process on the front end
Stacy Bahrenfuss: because while emotion for each woman leader can be different; it’s all based in the same thing, which is there is a level of
Stacy Bahrenfuss: codependency that we’ve developed on our business, that it’s going to fulfill us. We give our power away as women leaders to the business,
Stacy Bahrenfuss: and in doing that, become a victim of what’s happening, client reactions, all of the things, how our team is performing and so what we discover in that excavation process is
Stacy Bahrenfuss: how, and bringing this attention to the thing without resistance. How the woman leader is experiencing being a victim, or how she’s showing up and rescuing everyone that is around her.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: The biggest thing though, is allowing external circumstances to define who we are, we want to be liked.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: That’s a huge driver. It is fascinating as a women leader that’s operating at a high level, how much we care still; to be liked, to be approved of
Stacy Bahrenfuss: and our decisions, sometimes can be made in the business from that sense of self but is incomplete or unfulfilled which can be dangerous.
Lisa Larter: I think what’s really interesting for me is, what you said about lack of attention to the emotion we’re experiencing.
Lisa Larter: Everybody says, “Oh you get to choose how you feel, you get to choose your reaction to emotions” and you know all that stuff.
Lisa Larter: Yet it’s not so easy in the moment, but yet I remember when I first met you and we’re at a hotel; we were at this Trust meeting in Miami.
Lisa Larter: A colleague of ours was walking down the hallway and she didn’t have a mask on, and this was the beginning of Covid
Lisa Larter: and this little hotel employee kind of stopped her and said, we have a mask rule here and handed her the mask. She kind of huffed and puffed and was annoyed that she had been stopped and told to put on a mask.
Lisa Larter: You were like, why didn’t you just say “thank you, I’m not going to put the mask on right now, but I appreciate you upholding the rules.”
Lisa Larter: I was fascinated by your laser clarity in that moment on how to respond to a situation that was triggering, and annoying for someone else and how to turn it around in such a graceful way.
Lisa Larter: To me that really personifies what you mean by attention to our emotions, attention to our triggers and our responses, and actually how we do respond to other people.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: Yes, yeah that’s such a good memory, and a fond memory with you. That was a great lunch, but what that brings up in my mind is really the way that we’ve been conditioned is that our triggers are someone else’s problem.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: And that couldn’t be further from the truth, and the moment that we decided to start looking at our triggers as the biggest gift,
Stacy Bahrenfuss: that activates our personal development journey at such a different level. At a vibrational level
Stacy Bahrenfuss: that taps into, really the superpowers that are available to us from like a universal law perspective, right. We won’t get into that today, but
Stacy Bahrenfuss: the point is looking at the triggers as information. As it’s revealing to you your next level of work based on the emotion that’s triggered in that moment.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: Instead of blaming the person for making you mad or being obnoxious, that is when the game changes, because what you’re actually doing is taking responsibility
Stacy Bahrenfuss: at a whole new level; and taking your power back. There’s a huge power leak that we have when we see our triggers as happening to us versus
Stacy Bahrenfuss: someone is triggering me. One, because there’s a hurt or unsettled emotion there, and what am I going to do about it to make myself whole versus their problem.
Lisa Larter: I think often it’s the expression of the trigger. In that particular case I wasn’t the person, that we’re talking about, but I can completely relate to the reaction.
Lisa Larter: It was really interesting for me, and for the conversation we had at lunch around how potentially empowering it would have been for that
Lisa Larter: young hotel woman to have another woman say thank you, I appreciate that you’re doing your job. I’m going to take this but I’m not going to put it on right now, and just keep walking
Lisa Larter: instead of huffing and puffing. I think
Lisa Larter: that sometimes we react to people telling us what we have to do, and there’s a little girl inside of us that thinks we still have to listen to what other people say.
Lisa Larter: There’s also a teenager inside of us that wants to be rebellious. It’s like we’re trying to get to the wise woman who can say thank you, but no, thank you.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: Yes, that’s such a beautiful way to put it because that is actually what’s happening. The moment that we choose to just take pause
Stacy Bahrenfuss: and allow the little girl to have the tantrum, and the teenager to rebel, you allow yourself to connect to the truth of who you are, which is a wise woman that’s
Stacy Bahrenfuss: purpose on this planet is to uplift others to a new standard of excellence. That’s really what you’re saying right? If our colleague had spoken to that hotel employee a little bit differently,
Stacy Bahrenfuss: that is the ripple effect that we all have the opportunity to make, when we start to look at things from a consciousness perspective versus the small micro moments in our busy lives.
Lisa Larter: It’s interesting you know, we’re talking about a hotel employee and
Lisa Larter: this whole season was inspired by an employee at the hotel at the last meeting that we had in Miami. Because there was a big sign up for The Trust, for lunch and it was The Trust Premier Network for 7-8 Figure
Lisa Larter: Women-owned Businesses. I’m totally butchering what it says, but anyways this young woman who worked for the hotel came over to the luncheon area because she wanted to see who these women were.
Lisa Larter: It’s just so interesting how we’re not conscious of the impact that we’re having on other women around us all the time, by the way we choose to respond.
Lisa Larter: Fascinating, it’s fascinating.
It’s such an opportunity.
I’m a very reactionary person, and I am a very
Lisa Larter: fast-acting, reacting person. I’m curious, I would assume that a lot of women that are running seven, eight-figure businesses are that way because they have a sense of urgency
Lisa Larter: around responsiveness and getting things done or they wouldn’t have been able to build the businesses, they built.
Lisa Larter: But when you react fast like that you often don’t respond as your highest self. You respond as your reactionary self. How do you help people
Lisa Larter: take a pause? How do you help them consciously choose to slow down a little bit so they can actually respond the way they want?
Stacy Bahrenfuss: Yes, so I like to use metaphors a lot because metaphors allow us to take something that’s unknown
Stacy Bahrenfuss: to our conscious mind. The idea with metaphors in this work that I do is revealing what’s in the subconscious and bringing it
Stacy Bahrenfuss: into the conscious, and so I first want to use a metaphor. The metaphor is titration and it’s used in massage. Titration is where the masseuse really slows down to different pressure points to release the knot in the neck
Stacy Bahrenfuss: that might be present, so that it can release and she continues with the massage.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: Similarly, when we take that approach from our inner state that’s where the magic can happen. What that looks like is when you are moving throughout your day when you are back, to back, to back, and all of your calls and responsibilities.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: Check in with yourself, where am I coming from internally? When you’re making a decision and you ask that very simple basic and powerful question it slows down the subconscious,
Stacy Bahrenfuss: which is the source of our reactions. Our subconscious is taking us for a ride day in and day out.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: So, when we ask the question, “where am I coming from internally when I’m making this decision, am I trying to avoid something? Am I trying to speed this up to
Stacy Bahrenfuss: get closer to something else?” You can then bring yourself back to okay, I’m doing this to get something
Stacy Bahrenfuss: which is engraving and reaffirming in my subconscious that I’m missing something; I am not complete.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: So, the goal is to come from a neutral internal space, so that you’re not being run by your reactions. You are in power and deciding
Stacy Bahrenfuss: and it’s a simple question, but similar to the metaphor that they use in massage. It’s simply slowing down enough to ask that question,
Stacy Bahrenfuss: which pays in dividends because you don’t have as many disasters to clean up because you’re moving too fast.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: You’re also activating a new level of consciousness, which is bringing everyone along for that ride when you are choosing to say,
Stacy Bahrenfuss: “where am I coming from?” that starts to translate and everyone that you work with where they’re just being a little more conscious, and so it starts back that ripple effect very powerfully.
Lisa Larter: Yeah sounds wonderful in theory.
Lisa Larter: I’m sure it is a little bit harder, but I can see, for me sometimes I have to stick post-it notes on my computer to remind me of things. I’m reading
Lisa Larter: Multipliers, right now. I have a post-it note on my desk
Lisa Larter: saying, wait 24 hours to respond to emails if the team is copied. Give your team a chance to respond so you’re not
Lisa Larter: taking over. Sometimes we need those little cues to remind us.
Yes, yeah and really it starts with that sticky note
Stacy Bahrenfuss: but where it goes, just to go one step further, is ask yourself “where am I coming from internally right now?” and pause enough and it’s
Stacy Bahrenfuss: 10 to 30 seconds, right. It’s very quick when you ask this question. Identify where you’re coming from and notice, is it an empowering
Stacy Bahrenfuss: emotion or state or is a disempowering? Start to notice because there’s an element of the energy and power. Energy, I mean physical energy right, or mental and physical energy
Stacy Bahrenfuss: that is being inappropriately used. It is leaking because you’re not willing, I am not saying you, we are not willing to stop for a moment and ask higher level question to connect to our highest self.
Lisa Larter: Yeah for sure, so you talk about something called the revenue lost in your resistance.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: Yes, yes.
I’m fascinated by that expression because
Lisa Larter: I always ask people, “how long did it take you to get to seven figures?” and the answers always surprise me, because I think I was a slow bloomer but in
Lisa Larter: actuality a lot of people took them around the same period of time.
Lisa Larter: Of course, when you’re looking at everybody else’s accomplishments you think, it’s taking you longer. So, talk to me a little bit about what that means.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: Yes, just like triggers, resistance is a goldmine for women leaders. What I mean by that is being curious about where in your life, even personally. Because if it’s happening personally it’s showing up in some level in your business.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: But asking and getting curious on, “where am I resisting? In what conversations do I find myself going into resistance?” And when I talk about resistance what I mean by that is
Stacy Bahrenfuss: there is a disempowering thought or emotion. There’s probably some sort of judgment of someone else, that leads you to resistance or almost a feeling of
Stacy Bahrenfuss: disconnection from them, the situation, the business.
Give me an example?
Yes, let me think. Here, a good example is
Stacy Bahrenfuss: if I am dealing with my team and I recently delegated the project over just to kind of tie this into your sticky note of waiting 24 hours to respond.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: I’m actually going to switch here. I’d like to use your sticky note example. Okay, so you have a pattern, it sounds like that you respond.
It’s called the speed of Lisa.
Okay, perfect. You even have a term for it, fabulous.
We even have a name, I’m embarrassed to tell you that, but yes,
Lisa Larter: if you’re gonna work here you better work at the speed of Lisa.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: Would you mind if I ask you a question about that? I think that’s a great example.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: What did you feel when you first wrote the sticky note and you first held yourself almost back from the speed of Lisa, did anything come up for you?
Lisa Larter: The first time I didn’t. I responded and then basically went, “oh shit, I forgot.” I forgot to wait
Lisa Larter: and so, I sent my team member an email, and I said I’m so sorry I realized what I just did. I was really trying not to do that, and I apologize I’m not going to do that.
Lisa Larter: I am going to basically STFU and let you handle this, right. I acknowledged that I didn’t do what I had said that I wanted to start doing.
Lisa Larter: The second time I received, it was actually on the weekend so I wasn’t on my computer, so no sticky note.
Lisa Larter: I saw a bunch of emails come in from a client of mine, and I knew that there was a problem.
Lisa Larter: Not an emergency, but something had gone wrong. And I’m sitting on the couch thinking okay
Lisa Larter: I’m not going to respond; I’m not going to respond. I’m not even going to open this right now, because If I open this right now and read this right now, I’m going to get triggered. I’m going to be upset that we did something wrong.
Lisa Larter: So, I’m just going to wait and then I saw an email come in on the weekend
Lisa Larter: from one of my team members and they were like, I want to acknowledge this email. I didn’t even open and read all what they said.
Lisa Larter: But then they sent me a text and said, I just want you to know I saw these emails and I responded, and I acknowledge this, and I’ve acknowledged this, and I’m going to take care of this, and blah blah blah blah. I felt this sense of
00:28:56.670 –> 00:29:02.370
Lisa Larter: wow, I can actually, if I just actually would pause and let people step up they’ll, step up.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: That’s such a great share and example because for you, and this is again what I’m talking about; it’s all subconscious so it’s not like you’re intentionally doing this
Stacy Bahrenfuss: but there may be some sort of resistance in the past on what the clients might think, or what it would mean if they don’t get a reply right away.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: It’s very common, but if you don’t reply right away, it means that
Stacy Bahrenfuss: you know you’re not a good consultant, right. We all have these meanings.
Right absolutely, absolutely. You know a sense of urgency is important and responsiveness is how you keep clients, like of course I believe in all that stuff.
Lisa Larter: and at the same time, I have to choose not to be responsive 24/7 because if I’m responsive 24/7 I can’t actually
Lisa Larter: shut down. I can actually walk away from my business for five minutes, I’m always on.
Lisa Larter: If I don’t learn to give my team the space to respond, then I can never be a hands-off CEO and coach and develop my team because I’m always taking over.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: Yeah, yeah and so that resistance, because it’s kind of like, what is the core? What is the truth of the resistance?
Stacy Bahrenfuss: And the truth is, is that it may be something around receiving support. I just like using the word receive, but a lot of female leaders have a challenge with receiving right? We are
Stacy Bahrenfuss: breadwinners a lot of times. We are the providers; we know how to make things happen for us and everyone around us. And so, receiving the support from our team,
Stacy Bahrenfuss: the resistance in that or even the resistance to the old beliefs that we just discussed is, if you look at okay, if you receive that support
Stacy Bahrenfuss: or if you took pause, you experienced this already, you were able to see your team shine.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: That frees you up to live the life that you want to live, but also to create more opportunities, because
Stacy Bahrenfuss: you’re not in it all the time, you’re able to think from an elevated space. That’s what I mean when we dive into our resistance and how that can really cost, be costing you millions is because you’re stuck in that old way versus allowing and receiving
Stacy Bahrenfuss: the amazing support you built internally so that you can be supported to be all that you came here to be.
Or even allowing yourself the space to rest and restore so that you can be creative and great at what you do.
Lisa Larter: because if we’re all on all the time, burnout is around the corner.
Absolutely. Alright, so another thing I want to talk to you about, grabbing my show notes here.
Lisa Larter: Talk to me about employee engagement, the importance of employee engagement, and the importance of an emotional connection. I think that first of all
Lisa Larter: based on the example that we just talked about, you need to give people the space to do a good job in order for them to feel good about their work.
Lisa Larter: And you need to have a strong emotional connection with your employees. A lot of people feel like, you don’t want to get too personal with your employees
Lisa Larter: you don’t want to blur the lines. Can you talk to me a little bit about how you help women in bigger businesses? Because again I’m going to talk about my million-dollar mistake.
Lisa Larter: Number four, failure to delegate and follow up effectively which can result in too many resources and not enough resourcefulness.
Lisa Larter: When I see the discussion point here about employee engagement, and how it hinges on employee connection
Lisa Larter: I feel like that’s a really big thing. Can you talk to me a little bit about that, and why it matters?
Stacy Bahrenfuss: Yeah, and this actually connects back to the point that I made earlier about being aware of your internal state and where you’re coming from
Stacy Bahrenfuss: because if you’re not, what that tells us is that you’re disconnected at some level from you. Emotionally,
Stacy Bahrenfuss: that’s what I’m talking about, right. You can only call so much forth from your team as far as getting them connected and engaged, if you from an emotional standpoint aren’t
Stacy Bahrenfuss: connected. That’s why that question, I just want to bring that back as a preface to how to really tap into the level of engagement once you can have that emotional connection with employees and with team.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: One, being aware of that because we have the opportunities as leaders to not only care for employees, what their goals are, how they can achieve those within our organization, but actually care for their inner state.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: And this is so exciting, because when you start to care for their inner state
Stacy Bahrenfuss: you start to up level consciousness in your organization and the effect that you have on your client’s way beyond the service or product that you provide. When we talk about employee engagement, first and foremost is caring for their inner state; this is not an internal counselling
Stacy Bahrenfuss: opportunity, that’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is helping just like you’re now asking this question of you
Stacy Bahrenfuss: actually, have them ask that same question. Because if they’re let’s just say in resistance in some way, there was a trigger that they experience with the client,
Stacy Bahrenfuss: it behooves them to take five minutes and get themselves to a neutral space before responding so that it is constructive and empowering for them.
Lisa Larter: They can build upon the experience and also the client receives it from that state because we’re all reacting to each other’s energy, right? Who were being is what our clients respond to.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: And so, that is the biggest opportunity for us as employers is to start having a different conversation with our team
Stacy Bahrenfuss: of where they’re coming from, and who they’re being in their respective roles.
I’m hearing from a lot of my clients and I’m seeing this on my own team as well
Lisa Larter: that a lot of employees today feel stressed. They feel a certain level of anxiety for managing the volume of work that they have.
Lisa Larter: And what I’ve seen in my own organization is, it doesn’t seem to matter how many people I bring on to try to spread the workload. I still hear the same things coming up.
Lisa Larter: I, of course just finished reading this fabulous book called, Stolen Focus and so I have this belief that we are busy, but we are not necessarily productive. And then we have a lot of
Lisa Larter: distraction leaks, or attention leaks where we’re not actually able to be as productive as we could be; if we were more focused, present, mindful, in terms of what we’re doing. Are you seeing that
Lisa Larter: In some of the teams that you work with, and if so how are you helping them with that?
Stacy Bahrenfuss: Yes, this is a million-dollar point. I’m so excited we’re talking about this. This is one of the things I get most excited about, working with the teams
Stacy Bahrenfuss: is part of what’s going on. First and foremost I just got excited so I’ll answer your first question, yes I’m absolutely seeing this with the teams I’m working with.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: Here is what’s happening, and it’s how it sort of breaks the shackles or shatters the shackles is part of what’s going on, is there is commentary, there is a story that the individuals are telling themselves about how busy they are.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: They are not looking at the facts. The fact is, is there’s 10 things, let’s say that’s on the list or more today or this hour.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: But part of why I’m seeing so much distraction, and to your point in the marketplace from employees is because they’re focused on part of the story.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: It’s stealing their focus, that alone is distracting them from what the task or fact is.
So the repeating
Lisa Larter: story of I’m so busy, I’m so busy, I’m so busy, is actually contributing to
Lisa Larter: the anxiety, which is contributing to the distraction. Which is reinforcing the anxiousness that people feel, the stress that they feel about being able to get things done.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: Yes, exactly.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: So, the way to change the story is to look at the facts and address the facts head on and watch the story.
Lisa Larter: Because the story is going to play out and tell you. You give awareness to it, think of awareness is shining the light on the thief in the night.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: The story is a thief in the night, it is stealing your joy, your peace, and your productivity and so by shining a light and catching the story,
Stacy Bahrenfuss: you’ll start to see that the story stops. Sometimes it’s once for people, sometimes it’s 20 times, it depends on how deep the program runs.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: Because it’s probably connected to something else in the person’s life. You probably noticed some employees are more anxious than others, and it has to do with how loud this commentary is playing and how deep it runs.
Lisa Larter: Yeah sure.
And so catching that thief in the night is number one, but the other thing that I see most often that’s related to this, for employees and teams is judgment.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: Judgment of self, judgment of tasks and whenever there’s judgment, there is efficiency leaks, there is productivity leaks.
Tell me more, why?
Stacy Bahrenfuss: The reason is because the mind is engaged to judge, to defend.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: It’s almost like when judgment pops up, you no longer are an expansion which is where efficiency lies, or productivity lies, where freedom lies, right. When we are engaging in the emotion of judgment or
Stacy Bahrenfuss: sometimes it’s not an emotion, it’s like a way of being. Judging first, it’s truly a defense mechanism but you’re in contraction.
Lisa Larter: And so, you’re not able to be fully self-expressed, you’re not able to be fully creative or tap into the
Stacy Bahrenfuss: superpower that you have; to be creative and come up with inspiring ways to achieve different results, because you’re more in contraction and more about how I stay safe versus expand and realize my full potential.
Lisa Larter: So I have two more questions for you, before we wrap up. My first question is for anyone who is listening to this
Lisa Larter: who is wondering, what is something they can do
Lisa Larter: to get curious about what’s going on inside of them right now? I mean you went to India, not everybody listening to the show has got the means or the time, or the desire to go to India
Lisa Larter: to go on this grand exploration of self, but I don’t think you need to go to someplace to do it.
Lisa Larter: There are things you can do in your own backyard.
Lisa Larter: If somebody’s listening to this right now and they’re like, oh I’m curious but I don’t really know what to do with it, I don’t really know
Lisa Larter: how to put this into action, some of the things that Stacy’s talking about. What are a few practices that you would recommend?
Stacy Bahrenfuss: Yes, so the first practice is asking yourself randomly or when something happens throughout the day where am I coming from internally?
Stacy Bahrenfuss: What is my current internal state?
Stacy Bahrenfuss: And then write it down, put it in your notes, in your phone. You’re going to start seeing patterns, and the way that you undo programs and conditioning is by starting somewhere, by asking questions.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: And these can be questions that although they seem very simple, they start unearthing things that you could not have predicted.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: Once you do that take time throughout the day. Just
Stacy Bahrenfuss: Set aside three minutes and focus on your breathing for three minutes. We all have the ability to stop and do three minutes of breathing.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: I’m just talking breathe in, and breathe out, and notice that, that’s what you’re doing just for three minutes.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: That combined with bringing a deeper awareness to your internal state is going to help your leadership immensely. Where you start to spread out the reactions of the subconscious growing up
Stacy Bahrenfuss: and your actions of the material world. It starts to give space between the two, so that you can make a new decision.
Lisa Larter: And so noticing is it? You have to do anything with what you notice?
Yes, and this is the hardest thing for us as women leaders, because we want to do something that we want to figure it out.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: What’s interesting is trying to figure it out only brings you back into the loop, and so the reason that I start with just notice and don’t do anything about it is you can start to see it for what it is
Stacy Bahrenfuss: and stop giving your control or your power rather to the things because it doesn’t exist, it’s not a real. Just like fear, fear is not real it’s a perception in most cases.
Lisa Larter: Yeah totally, there’s the stuff you should be afraid of, and the stuff that you make up in your head, but
Lisa Larter: I always joke, mom I’m sorry if you’re listening. I always say my mom worries about everything that will never ever happened in her life.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: Exactly
Wasted energy. I remember, I was in my early 20s. One day, I made a decision that I would not worry about things, I could not control
Lisa Larter: and if I could control them, I wouldn’t worry about them. I would do something about it.
Lisa Larter: I really, really, really tried to live my life away. If it’s something I can’t control. I also try to live my life in a way that if I wasn’t afraid what would I do?
Lisa Larter: So, in catching myself in fear, I think, fear and worry are similar and different. One is worrying about an outcome that you’re fearful of.
Lisa Larter: Whereas fear is like feeling the fear of doing something that you want to do. Those are some things that I regularly asked myself, but I find that interesting you just notice, where am I coming from right now? So really pay attention to that because
Lisa Larter: I think it’s that presence and awareness that helps us to further our curiosity. So, where am I coming from? I’m coming from a place of
Lisa Larter: frustration or anger, or whatever it is. If I search and notice that I come from that a lot, but then I can be curious about why do I feel this way so much, right? I’m assuming that’s The next thing you try to
Lisa Larter: kind of unravel.
yes because it’s going to reveal to you patterns that you’re doing no matter if Bob is there, or if Sue is there. And so that’s where the empowerment starts to play out. Is your the problem and the solution and there’s nothing more exciting because you can change it.
Lisa Larter: Right, right, right, right, alright so earlier on, we talked about the fact that
Lisa Larter: it’s probably, I think the stats currently say 2% of women owned businesses in the United States exceed the million-dollar mark. It’s a very, very, very small pond
Lisa Larter: of women that are able to achieve this. My final question for you today as a woman who has done this is, what do you consider to be your entrepreneurial superpower?
Stacy Bahrenfuss: My superpower is definitely being able to cut through all of the noise and see
Stacy Bahrenfuss: with precision what is going on and shine a light on that truth, and be able to deliver it with grace and ease so that someone can receive it and move forward.
Stacy Bahrenfuss: I would say the side to that is my ridiculously unreasonable way of thinking, you know, I’m just always trying to go bigger and how can we get better and all of that. I would say that those would be my superpowers.
Lisa Larter: Very cool, thank you so much Stacy for being here. I’m going to put all of the links to your social media in our show notes. If people
Lisa Larter: want to learn more about you, they can go to the truthteachers.com. You’ve got a really fun website there were people can learn more, but I really I appreciate this conversation, because I think that
Lisa Larter: for a lot of women when we get to that seven-figure mark it’s like we’ve reached the top of the hill of striving
Lisa Larter: and all of a sudden, we have to decide whether we’re climbing the next mountain or we’re doing some introspection at that particular base camp before we head to the next level.
Lisa Larter: I think that we do ourselves a disservice if we don’t pause, rest, and reflect on what really matters to us from an intrinsic perspective.
Lisa Larter: I really appreciate you being here and sharing your insights.
Thank you so much for having me. This was a fabulous conversation, as always with you.
Lisa Larter: Awesome, alright. Thank you everyone for listening.
Lisa Larter: If you have a question about this show you know where to find me on Instagram and or my website and or wherever. If you have been
Lisa Larter: a lurker for the last year and you have not left a review on the show, come on it’s been a year. Please, please, please show up and leave a review, so that I know you are listening.
Lisa Larter: And I look forward to seeing you again next week. Bye for now.
Lisa Larter: Hello, Hello, hello, and welcome to, I cannot believe this the day I am recording with the amazing Stacy, okay wait I have to stop I don’t even know how to pronounce your last name.
Lisa Larter: Thank you for joining me for this episode of She Talks Business. If you enjoyed the show you know the drill leave us a review, tell someone about it, and join the conversation on social media. Thanks for listening and until next time remember done is always better than perfect.